a quiet period
It feels as though I've been in a more quiet period creatively. I spent my summer working quite a bit, as well as playing some shows and doing a short tour with Lucas Abela and Death Kneel (as my project Nimmie Amee), and playing Initial Shock festival. As Nimmie Amee, I recorded a tape to document a set that I had played in London in the spring called "Smeared Moon," which I still have copies of, if anyone is interested. Max (Death Kneel) and I recorded a very short split tape (one side each) which is sold out, but you can listen to here. So far this fall, I have recorded the material that I performed live over the summer, to be released soon by Life of Sensation and otherwise have spent a great deal of time working and reading. I've often been sloppy about keeping track of what I've read, or watched, or done. I recently saw my old friend Ian Hart who keeps a not exhaustive, but impressive list of most of the shows he has played, possibly since the 90s, but at least the early 00s. When the year is coming to a close and I have the desire to reflect on what I've been up to, the books I read and enjoyed, or what my favourite releases of the year were I draw a blank and suddenly time becomes elusive. I can't say I've gotten any better at this, but last year I used g**dreads in an attempt to document and track the books I was reading. Since that website is evil, I've migrated to a fediverse alternative, bookwyrm. I've been making an effort to read more authors who are living, as well. My goal for the year was to read 50 books. I doubt I'll reach that, since I'm just nearly halfway there, but so far: Concrete Island, J.G. Ballard Wrong, Dennis Cooper The World Inside, Robert Silverberg The Best American Erotica 1993, Susie Bright ed. Waste of Timelessness, Anaïs Nin Mental Ground, Esther Tellerman The Lake, Yasunari Kawabata Hiroshima, John Hersey The Silent Cry, Kenzaburō Ōe I Am the Brother of XX, Fleur Jaeggy The Trumpets of Jericho, Unica Zürn Rough Description, Don Pyle Dark Spring, Unica Zürn My Broken Mariko, Waka Kirako Dark Rides, Derek Mccormack Bastards, Nate Lippens The Disappearers, Marlon James Bear, Marian Engel The Rooftop, Fernanda Trías Blind Owl, Sadegh Hedayat S.S. Proleterka, Fleur Jaeggy Fully Empowered, Pablo Neruda Bury Your Dead, Ana Paula Maia and I'll likely finish another Nate Lippens book today that I was lucky enough to find at ABC Books in Toronto for $2 because they are, unfortunately, closing. The city, the world I live in evermore feels like it destroys nearly anything I might enjoy about it. I have been trying to explore different ways of maybe living better; a nebulous concept. Working more has meant having more financial independence. I did some things like fix some issues with my teeth, and pay off some of the negligible debts I have been holding onto. It meant I could afford to produce tapes whenever I felt like it, but also meant I had less time to make the music I might want to put to tape. I have barely written, music or poetry or anything else. Fall has always felt like more of a time for new beginnings to me than the new year, and has inspired me to be a little more mindful. I stopped participating in Equalizing Distort, because I felt my contributions were becoming less inspired and I wanted to shift my focus to writing music for another band, writing music for myself and making art that I believe in rather than feel overwhelmed and nihilistic by art that other people are making or supporting. While I've made plenty of art I'm proud of, or achieved plenty in times of personal turmoil, as I get older and watch myself and others around me burn out, I think how might I live better and create something more sustainable. I've started eating a little better, eating more vegetables and should probably start stretching. Maybe in the new year I'll take a class... In any event, I'm looking forward to colder months as a time to collect myself, take stock... let the old leaves fall away to hopefully re-emerge in the spring anew.